Category: Just Musings


How many of you BIG PEOPLE can boldly and confidently talk about that person who gave you a hand up when you were still small and struggling?

How many times have you publicly or even privately acknowledged the person or persons who helped make you what you are today?

Do you even remember at all that there was a time that you desperately needed someone to show you just a bit of kindness for your to be able to realise your dream – and someone came along in the nick of time?

I see a lot of people who have become big stars and celebrities but never once have been heard honouring the people who mentored them or helped them climb the ladder.

I remember (for illustration purpose only) a friend of mine back in Nigeria when I was a TV ‘star’ (YES) I had an older admirer (one of very many) who was a top guy at Nigeria’s Central Bank and whose wife, a white lady, was a very big shot at one of the major oil companies. Anyway, this friend of mine was an intelligent Petro-chemical graduate from a major Nigerian University and finished with excellent grades but a lack of connections meant he could not access any relevant jobs.

But just a mention of him to my “uncle” and to cut the long story short, my friend was on his way to working in an oil company and before long became a very big boy in Warri.

However, till today – 30 odd years later, I have never received as much as a thank you from this friend…..not once!

There are many people out there who have been assisted to be what they have currently become – but never look back to give as much as a nod in the direction of the person who was used to help them on their way.

Chadwick “Black Panther” Boseman was highly talented and had prospects, but without the intervention of Denzel Washington, he would never had made it through the journey that led him to have become the great star and character we all loved and are mourning so overwhelmingly today.

And Chadwick never tired of talking about Washington’s act of generosity. And he did so as often as he could.

Imagine if he had died without Denzel ever knowing just how much his actions impacted the young man’s life…or how genuinely thankful he was?

Talking at every opportunity about his benefactor did not diminish him in any way. Neither did it stop him from being a big star. In fact, it endeared him all the more to us and made us love him for being so humble and appreciative.

However many of us are too proud, arrogant and big for our shoes to acknowledge the input of others into our success, or to let others know that another human being was used to give us a hand and a leg up.

At the end of the day, there is only one true rewarder of any good deed..and God Himself alone chooses whosoever He pleases as a vessel to carry out His works and deeds.

But recipients of such deeds must always keep in mind that if the particular vessel had been disobedient or selfish, then the deed might never have occurred and your life could have turned out differently.

Let us learn to remember, show appreciation and honor our benefactors. Whosoever they may be.

Being gracious does not cost a thing.

Rest in Power, beautiful soul

*Dedicated to the memory of Chadwick Boseman

Don’t be shortchanged. Demand your rights, make a fuss.

I don’t know if it is the Ijebu woman in me, but I have learnt to always make a fuss, and raise complaints where customer service has failed.

This week alone: I demanded and got a refund of £1.49 from a major food outlet after an order arrived without the pot of coleslaw I included in my order.

I got from a company, a refund of £22.49 I paid for express delivery when the item arrived 1 day late

I got a (good will) charge cancellation from my gas supplier after they failed to process payment which I made at the point of booking a repair job. 1 month later they threatened me with debt collection. So I made a counter complaint and got the entire charge written off!

Many of us simply sit back and accept whatever these service providers throw at us without complaining.

The other day I was at an African restaurant with some friends who ordered suya. What they got was boiled pieces of meat with dry pepper sprinkled on it. At the same restaurant, a different occasion, my friend ordered Nkwobi which is meant to be a delicacy made out of chunks of succulent cow leg skin in the sauce but what we got was chunks of bone and very little skin.

The least we can expect for our hard earned cash is reliable service, items paid for and goods fitting the provided description.

The Consumer Rights Act 2015

The Consumer Rights Act 2015 became law on 1 October 2015, replacing three major pieces of consumer legislation – the Sale of Goods Act, Unfair Terms in Consumer Contracts Regulations, and the Supply of Goods and Services Act. It was introduced to simplify, strengthen and modernise the law, giving you clearer shopping rights.

Product quality – what should you expect?

As with the Sale of Goods Act, under the Consumer Rights Act all products must be of satisfactory quality, fit for purpose and as described.

The rules also include digital content in this definition. So all products – whether physical or digital – must meet the following standards:

  • Satisfactory quality  Goods shouldn’t be faulty or damaged when you receive them. You should ask what a reasonable person would consider satisfactory for the goods in question. For example, bargain-bucket products won’t be held to as high standards as luxury goods.
  • Fit for purpose  The goods should be fit for the purpose they are supplied for, as well as any specific purpose you made known to the retailer before you agreed to buy the goods.
  • As described  The goods supplied must match any description given to you, or any models or samples shown to you at the time of purchase.

Click to read more about UK consumer rights

Learn To Calm Down. Life Is Too Short

It doesn’t matter how much you hate an issue, as long as the imperfect humanity exists, there will always be wrong & imperfection:

●It doesn’t matter that you hate cheating, people will always cheat
●It doesn’t matter that you hate corruption, it ain’t stopping soon
●It doesn’t matter that you hate “side chicks” – they have always been, they still exist and they will always exist (Calm down farabale. Father Abraham had one, and brother Jacob had 12 children from 2 wives & 2 side chicks!)
●It doesn’t matter that we must all die, yet we are afraid of death and saddened when it occurs
●It doesn’t matter that we all know right from wrong, yet we mostly choose to do the wrong things
●It doesn’t matter that God hates sin – yet we ALL sin – Pastors, their spouses, Deacons, church members and other faith adherents too.

People carry too much stress on their heads for what they cannot change. Live your life and do the best YOU can do. Take care of yourself, love your family and serve God.

Aiye o le. Life is too short.


We Are Living In New Times, It Is Time To Cultivate New Habits

Earlier this afternoon, I called up one of my close friends who lives not far from me to check on her and to catch up. Her phone rang but she did not answer. This, mind you, is quite unhabitual for her so I decided to send a whatsapp message. That is when I discovered she hadn’t been sending her daily “Morning Tea” messages neither had she read or responded to any of mine…in over 1 week

I felt my heart tighten like it had been clasped by frozen hands – and I thought “No, God, NOOO!! Not again!!!!

Just a week ago, I got the still very painful news of the death of my dear friend Dr Dapo Williams.

And I started to weep uncontrollably while I quickly got dressed and flew out of my house. And like a fox with it’s tail set on fire, and ran all the way to her house. Praying and weeping all the way.

On getting to her door, I stopped and said a quick prayer “God, please I cannot go through this again. Last weekend is still pretty fresh and raw”!
I gingerly knocked on my friend’s door and within 10 seconds, it opened.

The sheer relief at seeing my friend as she appeared at the door weakened me so much that I simply slumped to the floor and wept with gratitude.

COVID has placed us all on tenterhooks and with the almost daily occurrence of losing dear friends, many of us are becoming so paranoid. My friend had just dropped her phone in water and although she had had it replaced, she was having problems reloading her whatsapp on her new phone so no messages or calls were getting through on the app…
Nevertheless, I should have tried her number on the direct line….. Duh

But still, we must check on each other regularly and not leave it till 1 week before we notice their absence.

We live in different times and we must cultivate new habits. It is not only enough waiting for whatsapp or text messages from our friends and loved ones. We must now learn to check on people everyday – if possible, physically.

We must not wait till something terrible happens then we say “I only chatted with her 2 weeks ago…..”


Do Not Be Afraid To Have That Talk. Make Plans For The Inevitable

I am somewhat of a control freak.

I am not about exerting control over other people, no. That will be witchcraft, and I am no witch.

The control I am referring to is control over my own life and what happens in it..or to it – whichever way you want to look at it.

I have been independent since as long as I can remember. I started living away from home right from when I was a year old and I was placed in a private foster home with Mrs Enid Hammond – a woman I still remember till this day as a very sweet old lady. I even still remember her address in Canvey Island, Essex. Anyway, it was not because I was abandoned or had family issues. But in those days, Nigerian families regularly and habitually had private arrangements with private foster parents or nannies with which they placed their kids – whilst they worked and studied in London. I still do not understand, however, why I was the only one of the two of us my parents had put into this arrangement……..

Anyway, before I digress too far. I lived with Mrs Hammond and her family for about 6 years only seeing my parents once a month. As a matter of fact, my memories of my childhood in England are more of my life with my nanny. On getting back to Nigeria in the 70s, I was shipped to boarding school in Ijebu Ode and after 1 year at Ogun Poly, Abeokuta, the only period I actually lived with my parents other than a couple of years completing primary school at Ibadan, I was off to Uni was also hundreds of miles away in Benin city, followed by the compulsory National Service at UCH Ibadan. After that, I returned home for about a couple of years while I worked at OGTV and taught in AGGS, both in Abeokuta before I jetted back to the UK.

Getting married was easy, However, I found that for the greater part of my married life, I was no different than a single woman with kids who just happened to have a ring on her finger. I more or less brought up my kids by myself and I have been divorced and officially single for almost 15 years! That is a long time to be in complete control of ones life!

However, this piece is not about my life or marriage. I had to draw this picture of my journey so my readers will understand how I came to be a fiercely independent control freak. I had been used to being mostly by myself, doing things by myself and making decisions about my life for myself with very little if any assistance – except God and the government and very occasionally other kind individuals.

I find myself wondering sometimes that if I died, would I be able to tell people what to do with “me”? who to call, where to find documents, how to unlock my computer or my phone in order to find phone numbers for my friends, or where to bury me, what funeral rites to give me, my preferred songs and hymns? etc

It is not that one is not aware that once you are dead, that is it. You no longer belong in this world and you will no longer be involved in anything going on down here. But the control freak in me still cannot help but wonder.

And this is why I am writing this article this morning. Many of us are so used to doing things a certain way but we forget to put our affairs in order in case of that unpredictable certainty. We will all die someday, only we do not know when. This is one thing we do not have any say in or any control over. And that includes me, the fiercely independent control freak.

Shocking that even in this day and age, many people still superstitiously believe that writing a will is tempting fate. Less than 1% of men over 50 have a will. Even those with multiple households and relations.

And this is why it is highly vital to make plans and arrangements in preparation for that eventuality. Let your kids and appointed trustees know exactly what you want. And do not leave this till you are struck down with some terminal disease like cancer. People seem to just be slumping and dying everywhere today – and it is not just the old or seemingly unhealthy people. Fitness freaks are slumping and dying in the gym!

Make funeral plans and be specific about the type of burial you want i.e cremation, burial or being thrown into the sea. If cremation, let your trustees know where you want your ashes scattered. If you are a practising Christian but came from a Muslim, sango, babalawo, or egungun background or family, be very clear about how you want to be buried – as a Christian or Moslem.

Also, do not be afraid to make a last testament and will. My own family is currently embroiled in a tussle about my father’s property. In his later life, my dad took in a woman my mum’s age who came with 8 kids from 3 different men. Some of her kids were my age – married with kids and they all moved into my dad’s house with the woman’s aged mother. 18 years after my dad’s passing, the 2 kids the woman “allegedly” had for my dad are trying to enforce the sale of my dad’s house and claiming an equal share each of the proceeds with my 2 siblings and my mum. This is a house my dad built with his wife, my mum when these girls mother was still with her own first husband and never even knew of my dad’s existence.

Anyway, with foresight, my dad who lived over 10 years in the UK could have prevented all this mess if he had drawn up a legally binding will and testament and made his plans known.

My family is not unique in this kind of a mess. Many families find themselves fighting and warring over not just the deceased’s properties. Issues also arise if no one is sure of the deceased’s religious leanings or preferred burial rites. We also hear so much of Nigerian bankers, in particular, getting rich and fat from the vast amount of funds left in accounts of people who died but no one came forward to claim the money either because they had no account access details or were simply unaware of the existence of such accounts.

It is no longer taboo to talk about death.

As a matter of fact, you will be doing your kids a lot of good and favour by having regular meetings with them to talk about these things. Then no relative, uncle, alleged siblings or even inlaw (yes!) can come up with some crazy idea or alleged will that the kids were totally unaware of. There are many insurance policies today other than life insurance that can cater for your funeral arrangements when your time comes. Your family will have enough stress and pain to cope with without the added hassle of arranging your funeral or some crazy uncle to deal with as well.

And if you are living in the diaspora but you are one of those who insist on being buried back home – do think of moving back home NOW that you are still alive! Because it is expensive enough organising a massive burial back home, but your body also needs to be repatriated and this alone can cost anything from £10 – £15,000! So unless you have a way already planned to cover this expense, do spare your children this burden.

In these days that no one knows just what is around the corner, everyone needs to plan – for everything. And it does not matter whether you are 45 or 95.

Don’t leave it too late. Have that talk with your kids as soon as possible.



Stop Holding Yourself Back

It is time to stop rejecting nonsense!

I, rather unfortunately, have the unfair reputation of being known by some people as troublesome, controversial or even stubborn. This tag has been given by people who do not know me at all and by those who know me but do not take the time to understand me or my personality.  Or many who know me but assume I should be grateful for their toxic attention or narcissistic treatment without complaint.

The fact of the matter is that many will label you with a tag of stubborn, troublesome or even unmanageable (that is another one I have been given ) when you refuse to conform to their controlling narcissism or gaslighting.  When you refuse to play their victim or allow them to ride roughshod over you, then you become to them – a difficult woman. But I am happy being called all kinds of name –  if it means I will not take anybody’s nonsense or bullshit. I took it for 16 very sad, miserable and unhappy years in the name of marriage. And the day I took the courageous step to walk away from that bondage, I told myself “NEVER AGAIN”.  As much as I respect and cherish the institution of marriage, I will not be a part of it if it means I become somebody’s doormat, punchbag or dog.

It is not unheard of for a woman to be so enamoured with her partner who treats her like the proverbial s***. A man that very obviously does not like you, and is not afraid to show you he believes he is so much better than you. A man who and will only call you for just a few seconds simply to tick the box for the day, but will never pick your calls.  Many women find themselves in this kind of empty relationships. Yet they are not ready to walk away for fear of being alone – even though they are as lonely as the next single person. And you will be even more amazed to find these men should under normal circumstances, not be able to tie these women’s shoelaces – yet they allow themselves to be treated like something these men scrapped from under their cheap knock-off designer shoes!!!

Unfortunately, and sadly, many people are more than willing to accept to live in misery and accept all kinds of mud being thrown at them either for an easy life, for a useless nametag of “married woman” or just out of some irrational feelings of not being good enough to deserve anything better.

While researching for details about the life of the late Dr Dapo Williams, I was simply flabbergasted at the number of achievements he had racked up in the UK. I was shocked to discover he owned a petrol station, among other high profile businesses and projects. He was also an erudite who never tired of learning, judging by the sheer amount of cross professional qualifications and certificates he acquired in his short lifetime.

And there are many just like him – high-achieving diasporans living in the UK or the US who are not afraid to challenge the status quo that believes in the limitation of black people or immigrants.

Because there are many immigrants or diasporans who have the potential, skills, talents and abilities to achieve greatness in this country, but are holding themselves back because of some silly fear of not being good enough, or not having the right skin colour or the feeling of “This is not my country. Just let me stay with this carer, cleaner or security job for another 30 years and I will be fine”
Many are working in organisations and offices as the cleaner or admin assistant when they are qualified to be the head of Department. Recently, I spoke to a friend about getting an MBA and their disappointing response was “What will I do with an MBA in this country? Who will give me a job? Such a defeatist attitude.
I also recollect when I had my first jeep a few years ago, someone looked at me and the look on their face read “In this same country, how did you do it?” As if it is such an inconceivable feat for a Nigerian to drive a jeep in London??? And it was only a SUV o!

Dapo W
Chief Dr Dapo Williams (1960 – 2020)

I guess the point I am trying to make is we all should know that we are so much more than we think we are, and are capable of doing so much more than the barest minimum.

The world is moving swiftly into a new dispensation – thanks to the global Coronavirus pandemic, and things will never be the same again. Many wonderful people are dying with all their goodness, abilities and big potentials with them. Therefore, anyone that has been given a chance at life particularly after this strange year, must not waste a second of the life they have been given but make the very best of every opportunity.

Each of us must identify the several potentials for achieving greatness within ourselves and for God’s sake, explore, strategise and execute them.

Let us please, emulate the life of Dapo Williams to aim high and stop accepting less than we deserve.


This piece is dedicated to the memory of an outstanding man, an eminent diasporan, a great Nigerian and a fearless leader Otunba Dr Dapo Oshun William (1960 – 2020)

Be brave, be courageous.

Never ever be afraid:

*To change whatever needs changing about your life

*To walk away from a bad situation

*To remove yourself from the company of toxic people

*To take calculated risks

*To speak up for yourself

Remember Fortune favours the brave. You’ll never achieve anything in life without the necessary steps… and you will not change your situation if you don’t do the needful.

And even if you have faith and pray to God, there is still the bit that you have to do and the part you have to play. (James2:17)

Be proactive. Be brave. Be courageous.