If your husband stops wanting to have sex with you, the first thing that usually goes through your mind is that he’s having an affair. I mean, why else would a guy turn down a romp in the sack unless he’s getting that romp elsewhere, right??!!! But there’s a lot of reasons that hubby can lose his sex drive. And it’s happening more and more (or at least people are willing to admit it more). I know couples who have been married less than a year and suddenly the guy loses his mojo — guys in their 20s even! In fact, a recent poll found that 62 percent of men turn down sex more than their female partner does. What gives??

Here’s 12 reasons your husband may not want to have sex with you — besides having an affair.

Low testosterone levels.

Believe it or not, this is pretty common. Experts seem to think it has something to do with our polluted environment. Not to mention that testosterone levels drop with age.  As men age, they can experience a number of symptoms related to sexual function that may be a result of lowered levels of this hormone. These include reduced desire for sex and fewer erections that happen spontaneously, such as during sleep. The Cleveland Clinic suggests that erectile dysfunction (ED) is not commonly caused by insufficient testosterone production.  However, the ADA reports that 70 percent of men with low testosterone levels have erectile dysfunction, while 63 percent have a low sex drive. In cases where ED accompanies lower testosterone production, hormone replacement therapy may help rectify the ED

Have hubby get his checked.

Illness and Diseases

Low sexual desire and sexual dysfunction can also result from problems with blood circulation. Just about any systemic illness such as diabetes, pituitary tumors,  cystic fibrosis can all apparently affect testosterone levels and libido. Other illnesses that can impact seriously on a man’s sex drive include diseases of the kidneys, lungs, liver, heart, nerves, arteries, or veins. If you feel overwhelmed by all these possibilities, remember the importance of adequate and regular medical care. Your husband may be hesitant to ask his physician about his sexual functioning. However, your encouragement, your doctor’s advice, and medical intervention when necessary could make all the difference in your sex life.



Just about any systemic illness can impact this aspect of sexual function, Medications such as antihistamines, antidepressants, and high blood pressure treatments may also be culprits. Medicines are generally made up of complicated variations, levels and types of chemicals many of which can either impact on testosterone levels or affect sexual function in other ways such as decreased blood flow to the penis resulting in weak or no penile erection.  Some medicines can affect libido (desire) and others can affect the ability to become aroused or achieve orgasm. Alpha-blockers used to treat High blood pressure, enlarged prostate can cause Impotence, ejaculatory disturbances and  antidepressants used in the treatment of depression can cause decreased sex drive, impotence, delayed or absent orgasm, ejaculatory disturbances.  The risk of sexual side effects is increased when an individual is taking multiple medications.

Obesity and other lifestyle choices

Lifestyle issues such as substance abuse, smoking, and obesity, as well as the effects of stress and even prolonged bicycling, can cause erectile dysfunction.  Apparently testosterone can get lost in the belly fat. Get him a gym membership and strongly suggest he become familiar with that thing called a treadmill but make sure he doesn’t get carried away and overdoes it.

Research demonstrates that men smoking more than 20 cigarettes a day have a 60% higher risk of erectile dysfunction compared to their peers who do not smoke.  This is a substantial level of risk which should garner the attention of those who smoke on a regular basis.  For irregular smokers, 20 cigarettes a day is the same as one pack a day. .  The toxic chemicals in cigarette smoke can damage blood vessels leading to erectile dysfunction.  Smoking may also lead to cancer of different components of genitals which can cause impotence.  Smoking can also damage penile tissues which impact the ability of a man’s penis to function normally.

The pill.

Some experts believe that the estrogen in contraceptive pills is making its way to water sources, and from there to men, making them lose their manly drive. Sheesh. More fodder for birth control haters.


Food packaging and chemicals.

Some experts feel that the chemicals in food packing such as bisphenol A and phthalates lower testosterone resulting in reduced sex drive. Also many processed foods have additives that could contain chemicals that result in reduced testosterone.

Stress or Depression

Apparently the current economic climate isn’t good for a dude’s sex drive because many people particularly men are stressing themselves out over their jobs and their finances and their ability to adequately care for their family.

Depression is very different from simply feeling unhappy, miserable or fed up for a short while. It’s a serious illness where you may have feelings of extreme sadness that can last for a long time. These feelings are severe enough to interfere with your daily life, including your sex life.

You’re probably depressed if you’re feeling low or hopeless, or you’ve lost interest or pleasure in doing things you used to enjoy. In this case it’s really important to see your GP. They may feel you’ll benefit from antidepressants.  However, low sex drive can also be a side effect of many antidepressants. Speak to your GP if you’re already taking antidepressants and think they may be causing your problems, as you may be able to switch to a different medication.

Sexual orientation.

Let’s face it, there’s still a lot of closeted men out there, and often long dry spells are the only clue that your man might prefer a different set of equipment. Put on some gay porn “by accident” and see if he suddenly gets randy.

Lost attraction.

Women aren’t going to want to hear this, but I’ve heard from plenty of men that they simply lose their desire for their partner after a while, often because she’s gained weight, doesn’t try to be sexy anymore, or just generally doesn’t look like she used to. And in these wonderful days of social Media, many men find that their wives prefer to spend more time on Facebook or Instagram. There is only so much “Not now, dear. I’m busy chatting with my friends” that a man can take before he is completely turned off. Leave your phone, tablet and laptop out of the bedroom.

Too much porn.

Some men can lose their desire for a real woman once they getaddicted to all those unrealistic-looking XXX women. Disable his YouPorn account.


Sex with the same person for many years can get boring especially when the partner remains unimaginative and fails to inject new technics and greater spice into their bedroom antics. Sorry. Truth hurts.


Kids can put a crimp into any sex life, but a lot of men weren’t raised to think of “mommies” in a hubba hubba way. Now that you’ve become one, it’s hard for them to think of wanting to bend you over the kitchen counter — unless it’s to make him a meal. Also many men are more prudish than we would like to think and the thought of Junior barging in on Mum & Daddy in the act is enough yo put most men off sex!


So what do you do? How do you know which of the many reasons your man might not want sex with you anymore is the real one? Honestly, all you can do is talk with your husband. Don’t be accusational or confrontational or he’s much less likely to tell you the truth. That said, even the most understanding woman might not get an honest answer out of a man who is either too embarrassed to tell the truth, or who doesn’t even quite know WHY he’s feeling this way.

Also, try and understand that not being able to get it up is even more painful and embarrassing for a man and he could see it as a threat to his manhood. So you giving him grief could be contributing to his humiliation.

The good news is that testosterone shots or a prescription for Viagra might be all many men need to get them back in the saddle. If all else fails, check his email and see if he’s having an affair.

And that,  is another topic…..





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