While we are all talking about women who lose it, get violent even to the point of killing or simply walking out of their matrimonial home – let’s also not lose sight of the perspective that adultery in any form is a sin before God, and is one of those things that God hates.
Adultery is the act of having sex with another person behind the back of the person you are married to.
But we have become so desensitized to sin that we trivialise adultery and other forms of ungodliness and talk about those that oppose it as intolerant, petty or old fashioned.
It might be an unpopular view but the fact of the matter is that adultery is, as far as God is concerned, just as sinful as theft or murder (Jeremiah 7:9 says “Will ye steal, murder and commit adultery and swear falsely and burn incense unto baal, and walk after gods whom ye know not?”) and anyone who claims to know the 10 Commandments (Ex 20: 1 – 10) and believes the contravention of any one of them is a sin, will also be guilty of hypocrisy if they discount any of the others.
For anyone who got married under the “law” of those that believe you can marry up to four or more wives – then as far as your belief is concerned, you are ok but if you went into a church, the house of God and promised to take your wife to the exclusion of all others, then you are bound by your words and are expected to keep to them cos those words are not just a promise, they are a vow you swore to in the presence of God and man – and if you go against them for any reason, you defile your marital bed and place your self under a curse (Hebrews 13:4 Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled but whore mongers and adulterers, God will judge)
Many folks particularly but not limited to men, have closed their mind so much to the fact that sleeping with a person that is not their spouse is a sin and it is now considered an acceptable and even expected part of life. Some men even consider adultery their right as a man and conjure up all kinds justification for the sinful act. Unofficial figures state that at least 8 – 9 out of 10 men will commit adultery with other women during their marriage and most of them at least once in the first 5 years.
A greater percentage of this number when their wife is pregnant.
A sizeable percentage of this number is made up of Christians and church goers. Only a very tiny percentage of African or Nigerian men will not contemplate adultery or refuse to give in to the temptation of adultery.
Many men who commit adultery claim they do so, not because they stopped loving their wife or ever have a desire to leave their wife for the other woman they are sleeping with. And most men do so without the knowledge of their wives and hold the strongest desire that she never finds out either out of respect for her or from the desire of not wanting to break their own homes. While these may all be honourable and admirable, it still does not remove the fact that the moment you sleep with another woman that is not your wife, you have committed the sin of adultery in the eyes of God and the Bible tells us that every sin will be judged.
I know of men who proudly declare that they cheat with other women with the full knowledge of their wives but she is expected to accept and understand. Such men talk about their sin as if it is a right and the wife will be so wrong to be angered by it. I even had someone arrogantly claim that he as a man is entitled to as many women as he wanted as an African man and if his wife did not like it, she could simply leave.
Unfortunately for many African women who also live with Christian tenets, there is always a conflict between what they believe is sinful as Christians and what opportunist African men claim is their traditional rights – even after getting married in a Christian place of worship according to Christian laws.
Alarmingly, the age old practice of unfair and persistent cheating on the part of our menfolk has directly or indirectly given rise to a massive rise in the practice of adultery in women!
Many married women are taking the stance of “whatever is good for the goose, is also good for the gander” and are following the example of our menfolk and seeking their own thrills outside the matrimonial home.
Many women, tired of being constantly neglected by the never present husbands are falling into external temptation from men that will amuse and compliment them and generally pay them the attention the do not get from their own husbands. With the strong exception of those women that will still require sex from as men as possible regardless of their own husband’s fidelity, loyalty and attention, most women who cheat do not start out with the intention to have sex with another man.
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I have often submitted that most women that cheat on their husbands do so mainly because they are desperately in search of what they are missing from home. When a woman who never gets any time, attention or compliment from her own husband will over a matter of time, find herself giving her affection to a man outside, or a colleague at work that constantly showers her with compliments, flatteries and attention and before you know it, she is in spite of herself, giving her heart and in time, her body. Many women in this way have been led into sinning by their own husbands and their actions.
But on the contrary, most men who could be married to a woman who is a witch in the kitchen, and a whore in the marital bedroom with the body of Betty Boo and the face of the Queen of Sheba, will still feel the need and the “right” to have that bit on the side – just because his mates are doing it – or simply because as a man, he can.
One man said “You can be married to a slim woman with small breasts and tiny ass and then you are at a party and see this woman with large buttocks and huge breasts walking around in front of you. You just want to have her to have a taste of what a woman with big boobs is like in bed” In order words, just for the lustful fun of it. The Bible is clear in saying “If you as much as look at a woman with lustful eyes, you have already committed adultery in your heart – Matthew 5:28”
Another man like their great ancestor Adam, left the blame at the feet of women outside who dress provocatively to tempt men or come at them and never give up until they’ve had them. Really? have you ever heard of the word NO? Do you have to eat everything that’s placed in front of you? How about discipline and self control? If you didn’t want to, how then did she get your trousers off?
When asked what they would do if they discovered their wife had cheated on them, many of the men who claim they have cheated repeatedly on their wives, amazingly say they won’t hesitate to behead her or stab her to death. It now seems women have also formed that same opinion – judging by the incident of Yewande Fatoki, an Ibadan based lawyer who slit her husband’s throat when she discovered his adultery.
I know in this day and age, many folks do not see the relevance of God’s word and His commandments in our lives. Although we have no qualms in running to him and praying fervently when we are in trouble or in need. We assume that God is there to meet our needs and answer our prayers but we throw Him out of the equation and blatantly disregard Him and His commandments.
Our generation is leaving a terrible legacy of sin and infidelity for our kids by the examples we show them. Some men pat their sons on the back when they’ve been found stringing two or many more girls along and fondly call them “Ekun” (Tiger). Others employ their sons to hook them up with their female mates. And others actively advise their married sons to have adultery partners if they must, only don’t let the one at home find out!
As for our daughters, many of them are growing up with the mindset that they will not tolerate adultery like their mothers did and if it occurred, they leave. Which means that many of our daughters could become serial marriers ending up with two or even more husbands and ex-husbands – due to the fact that each husband is just as likely as the old one to cheat and commit adultery. And what of the wife who decides to also turn to adultery just like her husband??
And chances are that a daughter who grew up with an adulterous mother, will inevitably find herself on that path too.
Like I said earlier on in this lengthy write up, this will be a highly unpopular subject particularly with the menfolk (of course) and not many will see the point or indeed the relevance of it. But we need to tell ourselves the truth sometimes and change our perceptions and attitudes. Our God is a loving God but He is also a God of Judgement who will judge all sins. And if just 1 person after reading this, finds themselves having a change of heart and attitude to this sinful lifestyle, then I have accomplished a great deal.
If we cannot change for ourselves, at least let us try even if just for the sake of our children.