Sometimes and at some points in our lives we find ourselves in different situations than what we have been used to. It could be moving to a new country or city, stating to work in a new office with a totally different set of colleagues, becoming single after leaving a long term relationship or starting a new relationship after many years of being single… the list of different scenarios is endless
But no matter the new situation we find ourselves in we, will be wrong to think that our expectations, behaviour, and even experience will be the same as the former. We will be wrong to believe it’s business as usual and bring our baggage from the old situation into the new for no 2 scenarios or situations can ever be the same. Each will most certainly have their own unique characters and needs and applying the same logic or attitudes in different situations can be very dangerous.
This can be best illustrated in the case of people who enter into relationships after many years of being single. Such people would have formed long term habits that are characteristic of single folks like having set times of going to bed or waking up, when and what to cook, where to go and when to go out or return home. Ones life as a single person is governed only by the needs of the individual who is not answerable or accountable to anyone else.and has no one to consider in decision making or planning. It is an almost selfish lifestyle where an individual has become set in their own personal way and their thoughts are only of themselves.
While anyone can understand that this is how one lives when they are on their own, one cannot continue to live this way once they start a relationship particularly a committed one and they’ve allowed another person into their life. Their thinking planning and general behaviour has to change and take into account the needs and expectations of the other person. We need to change our attitudes ad include the other person in our plans and decision making.
The inability to do this is one of the major reasons many relationships ad marriages fail. Many get married but continue to live like they are single, ignoring and failing to carry their partner along in their day to day activities or major decisions.
The same can also be said of the typical British person who leaves their .comfortable, liberal and secular environment to visit a highly religious and highly contained country and then complain when they find themselves at the receiving end of Sharia law penalties for gross indecency and debauchery.
The saying “When in Rome, you must behave like Romans” readily comes to mind.
Whenever we find ourselves in a new and different environment or situation we must change and adjust our ways and attitudes to suit our new situation.
Or we will find that we will always be in conflict with our new partners, workmates or neighbours.
Just Musings – Life Changes
By Jummy Ariyo