So you think you are making her happy….
A woman told her husband of 25 years that she wanted out of the marriage and was getting a divorce.
Shocked, surprised, amazed and amused, the husband responded “Why? I thought we were happy. After all I have done for you? I put a very expensive roof over your head. You drive an expensive car. You wear the finest designer wears that I buy for you? Your kids go to the most expensive private schools. You go on vacation to exotic places your parents never visited? I have loved you since I first met you and I still love you now. What more do you want?
“That, is the point” The woman started
“In that entire speech, how many “we” are there? It is always what you do. Not what we do – as a couple. I have become your project and ceased to be your wife. Your partner. Your lover”.
“You buy beautiful expensive clothes for me, but you never see me in them, or tell me how beautiful I look in them”.
“You put an expensive roof over my head, but you are never under the roof with me”.
“Our kids are not just my kids as you put it. They are ours, and the school they go to is not for my benefit. You are doing it for them”.
“The expensive car you bought me, when have you sat in it with me, or taken me on a drive in it”?
“When you met and fell in love with me, we did a lot of interesting things together like clubbing, going on drives, travelling, go to the cinema, eating out, visiting friends……
When was the last day you took me clubbing…. or anywhere”?
“The exotic vacations I go on are empty because you do not go with me. It’s just me and the kids. Vacations are meant for couples or families. And even though my parents never went on expensive vacations, they do things together and they are happy together. What was the last thing you and I did together”?
“When last did we sit down to gossip, chat, gist and have a laugh together!?
“When you do talk to me, it is usually about your sister and her husband, about your boss, about the car, the bills, your parents, your appointments. You don’t even bother asking me about MY LIFE or things happening in it…and when I do start to talk, you suddenly receive a call on your phone”.
“How often do we have sex? When we first met, we used to sneak and have sex anywhere we could find. Now, we only have sex on……. I cannot even remember”!
“I am only in my 50s. I am still young. I feel young. I am beautiful. I take extremely good care of my health, of my body and my looks. But I am neglected. I feel sexy but I never have sex. I get looks and whistles from sexy young men outside, and I even get tempted – but I am am a God fearing Christian woman. I am loyal to you and I respect my marital vows”.
“I dress up and look like a slay queen, but the only whistles, sexts and dirty pictures I get are from strangers”.
“I feel I am married to myself. Other times, I feel like a single mum. At lest single mums can go on dates”.
“And the only few times that you are actually at home, you are either on your phone, on Facebook or on your various Whatsapp groups. You are there physically, but not with me”
“During the 5 months of lock-down, we barely spoke 10 sentences to each other. And we lived like co-lodgers, not as a married couple”
Yes, I look happy. I look bubbly. I look contented. But I feel empty, lonely, unloved and neglected. If this is what marriage is supposed to be, I do not want it. And if I am going to be single, let me be officially and legally single”
“I am gone”
How many of you guys TALK to your wives to find out what they are actually feeling or thinking. Because what you think, and what she is actually thinking are not always the same. It is said that guys cheat because they want to, because it is what guys do, but women cheat because they feel neglected.
Are you neglecting your wife? Because you just might be sending her away.
You may think you are making her happy. But is she actually happy…..really?
Contrary to what many people think, expensive objects and shiny things cannot make up for the loss, or absence of human contact. And a relationship is not built on the abundance of material things. Without maintaining the mental, emotional and physical connection in a relationship, what follows is the growing apart and a mental distancing situation occurs between the couple. This is where two people are together but not connecting.
Sadly, many people do not seem to understand this, and most men believe material security is all a woman needs to make her happy. And will not know why some will feel unhappy and neglected despite being surrounded by so much wealth and opulence.
Then talk to her. Listen to her. Properly