Stop Holding Yourself Back

It is time to stop rejecting nonsense!

I, rather unfortunately, have the unfair reputation of being known by some people as troublesome, controversial or even stubborn. This tag has been given by people who do not know me at all and by those who know me but do not take the time to understand me or my personality.  Or many who know me but assume I should be grateful for their toxic attention or narcissistic treatment without complaint.

The fact of the matter is that many will label you with a tag of stubborn, troublesome or even unmanageable (that is another one I have been given ) when you refuse to conform to their controlling narcissism or gaslighting.  When you refuse to play their victim or allow them to ride roughshod over you, then you become to them – a difficult woman. But I am happy being called all kinds of name –  if it means I will not take anybody’s nonsense or bullshit. I took it for 16 very sad, miserable and unhappy years in the name of marriage. And the day I took the courageous step to walk away from that bondage, I told myself “NEVER AGAIN”.  As much as I respect and cherish the institution of marriage, I will not be a part of it if it means I become somebody’s doormat, punchbag or dog.

It is not unheard of for a woman to be so enamoured with her partner who treats her like the proverbial s***. A man that very obviously does not like you, and is not afraid to show you he believes he is so much better than you. A man who and will only call you for just a few seconds simply to tick the box for the day, but will never pick your calls.  Many women find themselves in this kind of empty relationships. Yet they are not ready to walk away for fear of being alone – even though they are as lonely as the next single person. And you will be even more amazed to find these men should under normal circumstances, not be able to tie these women’s shoelaces – yet they allow themselves to be treated like something these men scrapped from under their cheap knock-off designer shoes!!!

Unfortunately, and sadly, many people are more than willing to accept to live in misery and accept all kinds of mud being thrown at them either for an easy life, for a useless nametag of “married woman” or just out of some irrational feelings of not being good enough to deserve anything better.

While researching for details about the life of the late Dr Dapo Williams, I was simply flabbergasted at the number of achievements he had racked up in the UK. I was shocked to discover he owned a petrol station, among other high profile businesses and projects. He was also an erudite who never tired of learning, judging by the sheer amount of cross professional qualifications and certificates he acquired in his short lifetime.

And there are many just like him – high-achieving diasporans living in the UK or the US who are not afraid to challenge the status quo that believes in the limitation of black people or immigrants.

Because there are many immigrants or diasporans who have the potential, skills, talents and abilities to achieve greatness in this country, but are holding themselves back because of some silly fear of not being good enough, or not having the right skin colour or the feeling of “This is not my country. Just let me stay with this carer, cleaner or security job for another 30 years and I will be fine”
Many are working in organisations and offices as the cleaner or admin assistant when they are qualified to be the head of Department. Recently, I spoke to a friend about getting an MBA and their disappointing response was “What will I do with an MBA in this country? Who will give me a job? Such a defeatist attitude.
I also recollect when I had my first jeep a few years ago, someone looked at me and the look on their face read “In this same country, how did you do it?” As if it is such an inconceivable feat for a Nigerian to drive a jeep in London??? And it was only a SUV o!

Dapo W
Chief Dr Dapo Williams (1960 – 2020)

I guess the point I am trying to make is we all should know that we are so much more than we think we are, and are capable of doing so much more than the barest minimum.

The world is moving swiftly into a new dispensation – thanks to the global Coronavirus pandemic, and things will never be the same again. Many wonderful people are dying with all their goodness, abilities and big potentials with them. Therefore, anyone that has been given a chance at life particularly after this strange year, must not waste a second of the life they have been given but make the very best of every opportunity.

Each of us must identify the several potentials for achieving greatness within ourselves and for God’s sake, explore, strategise and execute them.

Let us please, emulate the life of Dapo Williams to aim high and stop accepting less than we deserve.


This piece is dedicated to the memory of an outstanding man, an eminent diasporan, a great Nigerian and a fearless leader Otunba Dr Dapo Oshun William (1960 – 2020)