If you’re sexually active, and not incredibly selfish, you’ll probably recognise the two situations I’m about to describe. They’re situations in which people of two different genders are offered oral sex. (We’ve gone for him/her because it’s the most common sexual orientation, but that’s not to suggest it’s the most valid).
Scenario A Him: I want to go down on you Her: No thanks, I haven’t showered since this morning. Him: Okay. Shall we just have sex? (This dialogue isn’t the finest showcasing of my talent with words, but you see the point.)
Scenario B Her: I want to go down on you. Him: Cool. That’s the thing about having a vagina. You spend a lot of your life worrying that it smells ‘wrong’.
Somewhere around puberty girls start to believe that everyone else’s vagina smells like Chanel Number 5, and that hers is somehow gross for having a natural human odour. This then creates a situation where women don’t want to have sex, let alone oral sex, if they haven’t showered super recently. Personally I’m unlikely to be able to relax enough to orgasm unless I’ve showered in the last six hours, and I haven’t done anything that might make me sweat, and definitely haven’t been wearing tights (not very breathable for the old vag).
Blokes, however, seem a lot less bothered about this. There’s lots for boys to worry about in puberty – size being the main consideration – but there doesn’t seem to be the same levels of revulsion and obsession with cleanliness. Which might be why almost every woman you know will have a story about a smelly, unclean penis.
In all my blowjob giving years, I’ve never heard a man tell me he can’t get head because he hasn’t showered yet. If a blowjob is on the menu, it’s usually going to be ordered, shower or no shower. And most of the time, that’s not a problem. A bit of a smell of sweat is even quite sexy.
I’m inclined to say that men have got it right on the topic of oral sex. Obviously no-one should be letting their genitals go feral, and regular showering is important, but it’s also beneficial not to be prissy about sex. Your genitals will probably have a scent to them, and you might have sweat a bit. That’s okay. It’s natural and human and not going to do anyone any harm.
The best kind of sex happens when you’re uninhibited, not worried about smelling, tasting, looking or sounding weird. The more comfortable you make your partner feel, the better it’s going to be.
So, ladies, next time you’re offered oral sex and you’re in the mood and inclined to accept, why not do so, even if you haven’t showered since that morning?
And blokes, if your partner tells you no with the caveat that she hasn’t showered, why not let her know that you don’t mind? Of course you should never push anyone to do anything that they’re uncomfortable, but saying ‘I really don’t mind that you haven’t showered’ gives your partner the opportunity to decide whether it’s their concerns about odour which are putting them off, or whether they’re just not comfortable at all.
Also, please remember that if you have a vagina, sticking the shower head on it before having sex is a bad idea. It might remove any odour, but it will also strip you of natural lubricant and can play havoc with your vagina’s ph, making you vulnerable to infection.