I recently found myself wondering and marvelling at how easy it is for some people to tear up and destroy relationships. I looked closely at and compared some situations I have experienced and witnessed and discovered that many of the personalities involved all have certain character traits in common.
I found that a lot of grown up folks even in my age group never really learnt social skills of forming, nurturing and maintaining lasting relationships. Many of these people while outwardly appearing to be friendly and extroverted,  really possess no real people’s skills. These group of people have the sensibilities and sentiments of a five year old and the emotional maturity of a gnat.
Their response to any conflict is to withdraw and go into long periods of sulks, cutting off all communications with no initiative to seek conflict resolution.
Look into these people’s lives and you will most likely find very long list of ex lovers, former friends and several “enemies” both real and imaginary.
They possess a high level of paranoia that causes them to believe everyone is out to get them. They jump on every word you speak and quickly take offense even when there is none intended.
And even where offence has been caused them intentionally or otherwise, they will demonstrate absolute inability to forgive even after apologies have been proffered. This will be one of the reasons they are always cruising in and out of relationships because of their inability to maintain them.

Anyone who’s been involved with someone like this will find them extremely hard work and hard to deal with. When they have a grievance and they choose to talk, you will find them wanting to return over and over again to the same issue and talk endlessly about it. These people also possess unbelievable victim complex. They never see themselves ever in the wrong even when it is clear to everyone else that they are, and always see themselves as the one being wronged all the time.
In their world, it is always the other person and never them. Always quick to apportion blame to others but never taking responsibility for their own actions.
Many of us will know people like this and almost likely would have been on the receiving end of their intensely complicated nature but these people will never recognise these traits in themselves. The highly egotistical side of their nature makes them see themselves of possessing a higher level of intelligence and excellence than others. It is almost impossible to have an intelligent discussion with them cause they lack the ability so see things from others point of view or accept opinions that differ from theirs as right. In other words they always have to be and always see themselves as right.

They have an obsessive self centeredness and narcissism which makes them see their needs as more important and of more value than anyone else’s. Everything has to be their way and on their terms alone without giving much consideration to the needs of others.

They love to be the centre of attraction and this they ensure by being obsessively flashy in their choice of clothing, car and general appearance.

These unattractive traits can be found in both the male and female human specie and those imbued with these character traits will demonstrate them in all their social, familial, marital, romantic and even work relationships.
The ability to apologise is exceedingly lost to them and even when they are backed into a corner and forced to do so, their apology will come across more as an insult than anything else.
Unfortunately these people can be the most charming and the most generous kinds of people with good hearts which makes them quite endearing and easy to fall for.
But their intense nature makes it impossible for them to stay long in relationships with others which is why you will always find them operating in isolation or constantly changing friends and companions.

Know anyone like that?

I know at least one…..

Jummy Ariyo

March 2016