Matthew Hussey
Keep your guy interested after the first date and secure a second date with these top 5 tips
The first few dates went well. You’ve had great conversation, some passionate kissing (maybe even a little bit more) and you want to see him again.
So how do you get him to stay interested in you at this early dating stage?
Many women have anxieties – Will he keep calling? What if he gets bored after a few weeks and moves on? Does he like me?
It’s one thing to charm a guy for a couple of hours (or one night of fun), but keeping a guy interested for longer requires an understanding of what creates DEEP attraction.
So I want to share 5 golden techniques for keeping a guy hooked well beyond the first few dates:
1. Show DESIRE Without Dependence
To play it cool, or to not play it cool?
It is a delicate balance, but really you just have to remember two basic facts about men:
- They like to feel special
- They appreciate attention from women who are already in-demand
I remember once when I was dating a woman and I texted her, asking if she wanted to do something that evening. She texted back saying: “I’m going to that concert I told you about tonight with my friends. I’m so excited, but I would be even more excited if you were here with me.”
This is the perfect line for a guy to hear: it shows that you DESIRE him, but it also shows you have a vibrant, sexy, interesting world he wants to become part of. You are into him, but you’re not DEPENDENT on him to have a good time. Any time you are able to show both of these qualities, you are making yourself incredibly valuable in a man’s eyes.
2. Don’t Jump The Gun
I’m not against whirlwind romances when they happen, but 95% of the time, it’s important to let things go at their own pace. The worst thing you can do at this stage is artificially push things forward by assuming commitment too early, or by showing too much possessiveness, or any other type of premature “girlfriend” behaviour, like checking up on him or trying too hard to be a big part of his life.
Your mind-set should be: I’m enjoying our time together, but I’m still deciding on your long-term potential. Even if he starts to push things forward, be the person who says, “I really like you, but let’s take things one step at a time”.
The benefit of this is twofold: it gives you more time to scope out a guy and find out what he’s like BEFORE rushing into a deep commitment; it makes the guy see that you’re someone who is discerning, who won’t simply jump on the chance for a relationship until you’ve actually decided he’s definitely a good fit for one.
Remember: Just because you have a connection, doesn’t mean you are ready to make a commitment. Give it time and invest gradually when you see he’s really invested in you.
3. Give Him A Chance To Miss You
There is a special window in the early dating stage in which you have the advantage of mystery and intrigue.
Resist the temptation to spend entire weekends at his flat slobbing around, watching TV, and generally “hanging out” doing nothing. While it’s nice to have a lazy morning with him on a Sunday, arrange something in your schedule for that afternoon so that you can leave things on a high and give him a chance to miss you.
When you use this “Scarcity Effect”, it will make a guy want to chase you even more so he can have a bigger spot in your life. Plus it shows him you’re a woman who values her time, who won’t simply ditch her priorities because she has a new man in her life.
4. Let Him Know Your Boundaries
Men respond to women who show self-respect. And this means sticking to your own boundaries.
If a guy calls you at 10pm and it’s obvious he’s only after sex, then it’s up to you to decide what you want. If you just want sex with this guy, then by all means go for it! But if you want him to invest emotionally and not simply treat you as a booty call, send him this response: “I’m not really the kind of girl who does a 10pm meet-up unless I’m actually with someone. But if you want to meet up sometime at a more sociable hour I would be up for that.”
This is a confident way of showing your boundaries, yet it doesn’t come off as a harsh rejection. It shows you to be someone whose standards he wants to live up to. Respect your needs in a relationship, and a man will know you’re someone he has to take seriously if he wants to see you again.
5. Build Sexual Excitement And Anticipation
Every budding relationship needs to be nurtured on two sides: The EXCITEMENT side, and the COMFORT side.
COMFORT involves all the ‘connection’ type of behaviours, like having long conversations and going to the movies, being intimate, opening up and being vulnerable, meeting each other’s friends.
EXCITEMENT encompasses all of the behaviours that keep things fun and sexually interesting.
It might be as simple as sending him a text saying, “I’m still thinking about last night and can’t stop smiling at work now”, or it could be telling him how you can’t resist him in that white shirt, or showing your more sexually adventurous side in bed by taking the lead and pleasing him in a new way.
Maybe it’s just grabbing him when you’re out, kissing him, and saying, “I can’t wait to get you home tonight”. If you show him you care about physical intimacy just as much as emotional intimacy, he’ll see you as the sexual goddess he always dreamed of dating.